Friday, August 31, 2012
So Here We Are...
So, here we go again. After editing my profile, I feel a bit depleted...this is not a good sign. Really, do I have time for this? I guess I should start by explaining my intention for this blog, and why the hell I would put myself through the painful process of returning to a page which I thought I had buried so long ago. The fact is, today, I have started the great adventure of giving up caffeine and ciggies. See, the name for my blog now makes perfect sense, right? I am somehow anticipating my "darker side" to reveal it's ugly head in the next 12 weeks, and I want to be able to share all of it's gory glory with you...my poor reader. I cannot lash out in my line of work, nor do I want to subject my family to my haste (they have enough to do without me critiquing their every move), so, it's all you. Won't this be FUN? Also, I have spent a considerable amount of time researching this dirty little drug that I am currently consuming - CHAMPIX, and hope that if I suddenly turn into a psychotic bitch, then you will all remind me of how sweet I was on "Day 1". Today is "Day 1", and low and behold I have not felt any sort of weird side effect. Some people said they were hugging the toilet beginning on the first day, and feeling all sorts of brain-fog type of stuff...not me. Maybe I am in a constant state of brain-fog?
So I guess I should list my reasons for quitting smoking and caffeine: ...............................................................................................................Yeah, Zilch...Zero, ...Nadda. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE SMOKING...AND I WOULD SLEEP WITH A GOOD CUP OF COFFEE IF I COULD.
See, I know what you are thinking...this is never going to work right? Well, I'm with you...agreed. I don't know if this is going to work...I really don't. I am a PRO smoker who is NOT on some health kick, or anything like that. BUT, it really is the last "monkey on my back" that I have. I don't drink, don't do drugs, don't party, I DO NOT engage in anything mood or mind altering whatsoever....EXCEPT smoking and coffee. So let's just call it my little challenge to myself.
I honestly cannot remember being a "non-smoker". Other than a few half ass attempts in the last few years, which gave my blood a little boost of oxygen, I have always smoked. I started smoking under my parents deck at the ripe old age of 13. There is just something so fucking wrong with writing that. 13!! Seriously, where the fuck was my parents? Anyways, bygones... So, if my math is correct (and it NEVER is) I have been smoking for...wait let me get my calculator...25 years!! Holy Cow! And guess what came after I started smoking? COFFEE! I cannot even rationalize "Why"...I guess I wanted to "feel" grown up? Who the fuck knows...I was a mess from 13 - 25... (bygones). All I know is this - I must have had some serious issues if I thought that smoking and drinking coffee was the way to "feel grown up", and now look at what I am dealing with...a habit in which quitting is comparable to that of a CRACK HABIT, and having to be heavily medicated on this VERY controversial drug (Champix) in order to have a shot at kicking the stinky things.
So there you go. That is why I have graced your presence. I will be spewing ALL of my dark, dirty laundry to you, the great readers of "Blogspot" over the next several weeks. Be prepared for a bit of obscene language, maybe some parental consent should be added to this feed? And hopefully at the end of this journey, I will be smoke free and having zero regrets...notice the positivity there? See that? So yes, I can be a good girl...regardless of what you may think of me at the end of this dark adventure.
Until tomorrow....
The Darker Side
So I guess I should list my reasons for quitting smoking and caffeine: ...............................................................................................................Yeah, Zilch...Zero, ...Nadda. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE SMOKING...AND I WOULD SLEEP WITH A GOOD CUP OF COFFEE IF I COULD.
See, I know what you are thinking...this is never going to work right? Well, I'm with you...agreed. I don't know if this is going to work...I really don't. I am a PRO smoker who is NOT on some health kick, or anything like that. BUT, it really is the last "monkey on my back" that I have. I don't drink, don't do drugs, don't party, I DO NOT engage in anything mood or mind altering whatsoever....EXCEPT smoking and coffee. So let's just call it my little challenge to myself.
I honestly cannot remember being a "non-smoker". Other than a few half ass attempts in the last few years, which gave my blood a little boost of oxygen, I have always smoked. I started smoking under my parents deck at the ripe old age of 13. There is just something so fucking wrong with writing that. 13!! Seriously, where the fuck was my parents? Anyways, bygones... So, if my math is correct (and it NEVER is) I have been smoking for...wait let me get my calculator...25 years!! Holy Cow! And guess what came after I started smoking? COFFEE! I cannot even rationalize "Why"...I guess I wanted to "feel" grown up? Who the fuck knows...I was a mess from 13 - 25... (bygones). All I know is this - I must have had some serious issues if I thought that smoking and drinking coffee was the way to "feel grown up", and now look at what I am dealing with...a habit in which quitting is comparable to that of a CRACK HABIT, and having to be heavily medicated on this VERY controversial drug (Champix) in order to have a shot at kicking the stinky things.
So there you go. That is why I have graced your presence. I will be spewing ALL of my dark, dirty laundry to you, the great readers of "Blogspot" over the next several weeks. Be prepared for a bit of obscene language, maybe some parental consent should be added to this feed? And hopefully at the end of this journey, I will be smoke free and having zero regrets...notice the positivity there? See that? So yes, I can be a good girl...regardless of what you may think of me at the end of this dark adventure.
Until tomorrow....
The Darker Side
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